Body Image and My Baby Girl, Part 2 . . . Dear Faith

Oh my goodness, raising this girl is going to be rough, and though I know raising kids is not easy, I'm perplexed because she's only nine...and it's already I-don't-know-what-to-do-now hard.  Today my thoughts are stuck on Thursday's tumultuous, tear-soaked, emotion-filled exchange where she talked about her body image...namely, that she is "fat."  Last night was not the first time we've discussed what it is to be confident and proud of yourself and loving yourself the way you are.  In fact, our first legitimate conversation of this type happened when she was four years old.  It's crazy that this flexible, energetic, joy-filled gymnast can doubt herself so deeply, yet when I think about the world we are living in and the standards which we are working against, I am harshly aware of how easy it is to feel inadequate.

Dear Faith,

I am writing to tell you about all the things that are wrong with the world and absolutely, stunningly perfect about you.  My words will not adequately describe the body-shaming culture in which you are being raised, nor will they ever be able to paint my incredible love for who you are, what you have done and will continue to do in my life.

Please understand that people are mean and they will judge and criticize you in nearly every element of your life: your physical appearance, the number of times you can jump rope per minute, how easily you can or cannot complete your math assignment, the clothes you wear, the food you eat, the house you live in, the way you speak, the way you smile, the friends you keep, the quality of your stuff, and the newness of your shoes.  You name it and people will judge you for it.  Some times they will celebrate these parts of your life, but often people will judge, envy and sharply hold you up against their version of The Way It Should Be.  And Faith, please understand that no one in this world can ever meet the expectations of this world...no one.  Not me, not you, and not even the person who is telling you you're not good enough.

The problem is that society is not teaching us to love the body and gifts that we have been given, so as your mother, I am doing the best I can to teach that to you.  God has blessed me with you, and you have been blessed with talents, goodness, kindness, sincerity, selflessness and beauty...so when you reduce your value and worth down to the size and shape of your body, you are tragically disconnected from the amazing gifts that make you YOU.

I've spent much of my life being embarrassingly aware of how my body is not The Way It Should Be, and only recently have I allowed myself to love it.  I remember the humiliation of being weighed in front of my peers in grade school; I will never forget the shame I felt on "uniform day" for every team I've ever played on, and each and every formal dress I've ever purchased made me uncomfortably aware of how I was far too "plus-sized" to meet the standards of this world.  I will not pretend that working through these moments was easy, but I always knew that I was more than what I weighed or my charge-you-extra dress size.  And that is what I want you to know and understand now.

I could write a list of my shortcomings and inadequacies, but instead I have begun to intentionally change the way I view myself.  My goal is for both of us to be comfortable in our skin and to celebrate what our bodies are capable of, and I pray that you can see that through me. Most importantly, my body has allowed me to become the mother of two amazing children, and it bears stretch marks and a soft middle that many would say are unbecoming, yet if I change my perspective I can see these flaws as a badge of honor and pride.

And perspective is what it comes down to, Faith.  Since the standards of this world are harsh and unkind, we must turn our back on what others say is The Way It Should Be, and we need to view ourselves and others with a loving eye.  An eye that is free from judgment, comparison and criticism.  I wish you could see yourself through my eyes because I see nothing but beauty from the inside out.

Don't ever forget that you are...

beautiful, intelligent, witty, powerful, compassionate, bold, thoughtful, creative, passionate, strong, and capable. 

And if anyone ever tells you that you are not good enough, always remember that THEY are wrong.

With more love than you can imagine,
Mom