Body Image and My Baby Girl

Every mother thinks her children are irresistibly beautiful.  We admire the beauty of their tiny little fingers and toes; we marvel at the striking eyes that meet our gaze as we cradle them in our arms.  As they grow, we only find more to love about the little people we have known from day one.  We fill our homes and their hearts with a mother's all-consuming and unconditional love.  However, the world rarely harbors the same enthusiastic love for our sweet ones.

Recently, as I brought Faith up to bed, I told her she was beautiful...because she is.  Her eyes are a blend of golden honey and warm melted chocolate; her dimpled smile is priceless.  She hears compliments from me constantly: pretty, smart, kind, strong.  Why would she have any reason to doubt that she is, in fact, adorable?  Her response to me, "That's not what my friends say."

Seriously?  She is four.  Who are these friends and where are their parents?  Who tells this kid she's not pretty?  But, then I stop the rapid roller coaster that is my train of thought... 

I ask her, "Well, do you think you're pretty?"

"No."

Hmmm...certainly not what I anticipated.  Where is the high self-esteem I thought we were fostering?  Do daily compliments of intelligence, appearance and compassion wane in the face of a fellow four-year-old who is wearing a cuter dress?  What now?  So, I bring her into our bedroom and we plop down in front of the mirror. 

"Look at yourself in the mirror, kiddo.  What do you like about yourself?"

"Well, I like my earrings."

Ugh, nope, earrings don't count.  We talk about how earrings are removable, changing.  We need to find things we like that are constant, unchanging.  The teacher in me knows that I have to model this activity for her.  So, I do.  I look at myself in the mirror knowing I need to pick three parts of me that I like.  Okay, this is SO much harder than it sounds.  When I look at myself, of course, I am first struck by what I dislike.  Yep, I'm still overweight...shocker, right?  Oh, yeah, and my hair? It's still in my daily pony tail, bangs bobby pinned back.  And, since this is the summer of SPF 75, my "tan" looks quite mid-January.  So, I look harder because I know there is much more to me than that.

"Well, Faith.  I like my eyes, a lot. I like how they're a mix of blue and grey.  Also, I like my feet and my toes."

She laughs, "No, you don't. Your feet are dirty."

"Yes, I do.  Even if my feet are dirty, I really like them.  Your turn."

"Well, I like my toes, too, because I can use them to scratch my ankles.  And I like my skin, and my hair."

Our conversation continues, and she ponders about whether or not her hair counts as something unchangeable, because after all, Aunt Nora did shave her hair off before.  We talk about how some of her classmates tell her they don't like her outfit, and now we have the What's-on-the-Inside conversation, and we pick a couple of internal qualities we admire in each other.  We chat and chat...my goal is to capitalize on this teachable moment, hers is to hold off bed time.

Eventually, I tuck her into bed telling her I love her more than the sun, and knowing that tonight's talk is one of many to come.

There are certainly moments in my day and and days in my life where I also feel like a child comparing myself to others, and knowing that I'll always come up short.  And, yes, there is much about me that I need and want to change, but again there is so much more to me than that.  I am assertive and intelligent, and I have done amazing things.  My job as Faith's mom is so much bigger than to love her and compliment her.  So, no matter how hard it may be to find the good things in the mirror, I know that it's my job to show her and teach her what it is to be a confident woman who loves who she is.