The Comforts of Christmas

I am a sucker for the feeling of Christmas, yet it seems the older I get the harder it is for me to connect with the Christmas vibe. Yes, it's awesome to experience Faith and Connor's anticipation for Santa, and their Christmas lists are amusing to say the least. Yes, the decorations are beautiful and the lights sparkly, but year after year I feel like I'm losing the ability to quickly connect with the spirit of the season. It's wonderful to hear Faith tell be about why Christmas is really important, to read Christmas stories and to watch Christmas movies with the kids.  But I still am having trouble connecting.  Perhaps it's because I'm "getting older" or maybe it's because sometimes the world just kinda sucks: families can't make ends meet, people steal money from charity, families lose loved ones, students lose their homes days before Christmas, and on, and on...

But this year, thanks to a beautifully written blog by my friend Kelly, I am thinking about Christmas with a different perspective.  In her blog, she reminisces about her grandmother's store-bought cookies which she was accidentally able to replicate in a what-can-I-make-that's-quick-and-easy kind of moment.  She also reveals that, for her, "Christmas tastes like butter and sugar."  In other words, Christmas tastes like comfort...and for me, comfort feels like a mug of hot coffee held between my hands; it gives me that warm-from-the-inside-out feeling.  It makes me pause and think about how wonderful it is to be still and to have that mug in my hands.

So that was all it took this year.  Reading that blog made me realize that for me, Christmas is about comfort in all its various forms - from the ease of family time after bustling days to the unexpected warm and fuzzy moments provided by strangers. It is comfort in knowing that when Grandpa Bogard opened his presents this year, he did so with a full head of hair - a visible sign that his fight with cancer is now behind him.  Perhaps a few moments of comfort will be provided to the two families that NHS has adopted for the holiday; their gifts (basic necessities) were picked up yesterday afternoon, and I can't stop praying for their comfort in this trying season.  Comfort is also found in knowing that my father-in-law is happily employed and seeing that they can take a deep breath, which  they might not have been able to take last Christmas.  Comfort is frequently found in those comfy-PJ-moments with Kevin and our kids...On Monday night, Kevin watched home videos with them while I dipped pretzels for the teachers' gifts - there was a sense of perfection mixed into the mess and chaos.  Lunch dates with friends, four full weeks with my sister, liberally poured glasses of wine, finding just the right gift paired with short lines, watching Polar Express, listening to the kids say their prayers, turning in my last set of finals, Kevin's promotion, hugs from people I love, celebrating life...comfort, comfort, comfort.

Each night when the kids and I pray, we celebrate the love in our lives: friends, family, colleagues, teachers...because without that love there would be so little to celebrate.  So, this Christmas and for all of next year, I wish you moments where you can be still enough to enjoy that warm-mug-in-your-hand feeling. 

Sending you so much love,
Sarah

Remembering Aunt Dor

Today I am going to my Aunt Dorothy's funeral, and I am sad.  My sadness is the deep-down, shake you to the core kind of sadness.  I'm sad because she is gone, but sadder because so many, many people will miss her sincere compassion and love.  I can honestly say she was one of the best people I have ever known.  I can't recall a cross word or a bitter comment.  Her life was filled with love, faith and smiles...countless cheery bright-eyed smiles.  When I think of Aunt Dor, I can't do it without thinking of her smile first and her hug second.  Her hug was always an extended one, often given with a rub of the shoulder and always with her cheek against mine.

As I remembered Aunt Dor at her wake yesterday I was filled with a deep sense of nostalgia, and loved soaking in the stories others told about her.  I heard someone wistfully say, "she had so many friends."  It was impossible not to be her friend because she was a friend to every person and dog that she ever met...except for Lilly Corse...she didn't like Lilly.  My dad told me that McDonald's, her long-time employer, had posted signs on the door notifying customers of Aunt Dorothy's services, and several of her co-workers stopped in in their uniforms to say goodbye.  I was introduced to her friend Marie who told me, "Dorothy adopted me because I am a widow and she wanted to know I was safe."  My dad told me that she was his biggest supporter and he wondered what he was going to do without her.  I laughed with my cousins in several of those laugh-because-I-can't-cry-anymore moments.  Aunt Therese and I marveled at how things seem to fall apart when you least expect it...

But then I hugged Uncle Ed and while I marveled at his courage and strength, he reminded me that her work here must have been done and that God had called her home.  Those are words that I've heard so many times that they often seem cliche...but last night they were so, so true.  I could write pages about how she has touched our lives and the holes she will leave behind.  Yet, her work was remarkable in its simplicity, and it was all done with the purest heart and the kindest soul.  She simply loved every person she met and did everything she could to bring joy to the lives of those around her.  So, now I am off to celebrate the life of Aunt Dorothy and the lasting legacy she has passed to those she has loved, but I'll have to do it with a fistful of tissue and tears in my eyes, because today I am sad.

Jewelry Box Q & A with Faith

Sometimes I am astounded when I think about how rapidly my life moves.  There's the daily rush to get out of the house and to work on time, and then for the next seven hours I move with the herd at the sound of the bell while rushing to make copies, deadlines and a difference.  Finally, the day wraps up with homework, sibling rivalry, a catch-as-catch-can dinner and bedtime routines.  My head hits the pillow with thoughts of tomorrow's rush and a serious longing for the weekend.

However, this morning, even in the midst of the haste, Faith forced me to slow down and enjoy the moment I was in.  She woke with a smile instead of her typical scowl, she was satisfied with the clothing options for the day, and her hair was only "a little bit tangled."  While I brushed her hair she browsed my jewelry box...on any other day I'd have told her we didn't have time for that.  She fingered colorful costume jewelry, stacked her fingers with shiny rings and asked questions...lots of questions.  Simple questions, the who, what and where of the pieces -- she wanted the stories that I hid in my jewelry box. 

She asked and I answered.  I told her about the claddagh ring I got from my Grammie on my 13th birthday...my most embarrassing birthday ever. 

"Why, mom?"

"Because, everyone...I mean everyone...in my family came to my basketball game, brought balloons and sang happy birthday to me."

"Grammie was really nice to give you a ring."

She giggled, set the ring aside and picked up another one.

"That was the ring I wore when I was pregnant with my babies...when my real wedding ring wouldn't fit."

"Can I wear one to school?"

"Nope."

More smiles, more questions...Hair brushed, pony tail finished.  Hurry, hurry...rush, rush.  Time to go.

I sent her downstairs for her shoes, backpack and coat.  But, first I slipped a ring onto my own finger --a starburst sapphire ring, in a silver setting that my dad had given to my mom when they were dating.  I remember inheriting the ring from my mom, after eyeing it countless times in her jewelry box. In recent years, looking at that ring sit in my jewelry box brought frustration and animosity, but today it made me happy...so I put it on and resumed the rush.

My day was even more hectic than a typical Wednesday, but I was steadied by my time with Faith and by the ring on my right hand. Today, I know that it is more than a castaway object tied to old memories; instead it's a keepsake with a story of its own.  That conversation with Faith might have lasted 3 minutes, but they were the best 3 minutes of my day.  Those minutes were filled with wonder, interest and a reverence for items hidden inside my simple little jewelry box.

Big Girl Bravado - The Latest on Faith's Eye

For me, August is always a month of preparation and anticipation.  My delightfully long summer vacation is drawing to a close, my stir-crazy kiddos are in need of predictable routines, and I'm excited for Kevin to start doing the laundry again.  The teacher in me loves August because it holds the promise of something new, but for Faith August is beginning to mean something different.  Last August was a big month for my Faithy-pie because we discovered that she was born with a cataract which required surgery and frequent follow-up visits to Dr. Khammar, our new favorite doctor.  She had the cataract removed one week before her 5th birthday and her first day of kindergarten, she giggled her way into the operating room (thanks to a little dose of pink syrup), she weathered her daily doses of drops with decreasing Resistance, and she held her breath waiting for the day Dr. Khammar told her she could finally get glasses.  There were a few bumps in the road before those darling little glasses were hers...we needed a follow-up laser surgery to correct a small complication.  The doctor explained the procedure to both of us, and she listened along with me, smiling happily when he said a prescription for glasses would come on the same day as this second surgery.

One year has passed since we learned about the cataract, and in that time she's been dilated, measured and tested more than I have in my life.  She cares for her glasses better than I could imagine, and she patches with fewer complaints each day.  Faith has been a serious participant in her own recovery.  Her eyesight will always be far from perfect, but will continue to improve through her grade school years.  She has improved from 20/200 to 20/70 in the course of a year...but we've hit another bump...minor, again, but somehow more painful.

Tuesday, we learned that the new lens in Faith's eye has a cloudy film forming over it, called reopacification or a secondary cataract.  It's not possible for the cataract to grow back, but this film can obstruct her vision in the same way the original cataract did.  The fix is another "simple" laser procedure, and since the doctor thinks Faith is a "really good girl" he thinks this procedure can be done in the office while she is awake.  Umm...are you sure, Dr. Khammar?  This is the girl who will wear bandaids until they fall off because it hurts to rip them off.  She spends days anticipating the removal of a partially stuck bandaid, and you want her to be still enough for you to stick something in her eye for 2-3 minutes?  We can't put eye drops in without a struggle...how is this going to work?

Once again he explained the procedure, once again Faith listened and nodded.  We can do the procedure quickly and painlessly in the office as long as she's still and listens to directions, or we can have the procedure done at the hospital under anesthesia..."Let's try in the office first, I really think she can do it."  I left the office feeling defeated rather than proud of the vision gains Faith made in the course of the year, and for the first time Faith seemed to be concerned as well.  We got to the car, she asked questions, expressed doubt and sought alternative options.  One year later and this little girl has become contemplative and concerned.  Gone is the girl who is pacified with a sucker and stickers...but ice cream did seem to help.  She heard me call Kevin with the news, heard me reassure Kevin's doubts about her ability to do it in the office, and she heard me praise her bravery.  Her response, "I'm brave Mom, but not brave enough to do it when I'm awake."

The next morning her bravado seemed to crumble.  I brushed her hair, we talked about her eyes and what's next.  She said she wanted to "be asleep, and just wake up with it done."  I said I'd call the doctor to change the plans, she went to brush her teeth.  She returned in tears sobbing and defeated..."I just want to be a kid without a cataract, a kid who doesn't need surgery."  I hugged her, she cried.  We talked about bravery, and how lucky we are that it's only her eye that is giving her trouble.  We counted our blessings, dried our tears and she told me she wanted to have the procedure in the office and that we were done talking about it..."for real, done."

So that's where it stands.  We now have one more thing to anticipate and prepare for on our August "To do" list.  Faith will give the in-office laser treatment a shot on August 26th, and she's determined to make it work.  She's a much different little girl than she was one year ago: braver, more reflective and more mature.  She knows it's for the best, but she knows it really sucks too. 

Camera Crazy

As I said in my last post, we finally bought our new camera.  So, now it's up to me to learn how to use it.  I'm patiently waiting for another photography class groupon, but until then I'm reading up on my Pioneer Woman Photography and fiddling with Picasa.  I've been taking pictures of everything in sight: flowers, dinner, clouds, family, puppies, dessert, even a few of my cluttered counter tops.  Yesterday, I even took photos of the kids pouting in time out...bad, Mom...bad, Mom.

I've got a ton to learn and I'm excited to see where this gigantic camera will lead me.

Here are a few pictures or my favorite subjects that I've edited with Picnic through Picasa.  I've posted the original photo and then edited copy. 

Here is Faithy with her soon-to-be-famous over-the-shoulder smile. She's not wearing her glasses since we're outside playing in the pool. Shhh, don't tell the doctor.

Here is Trouble.  He's got his Bogard brows lowered in an I'm-up-to-no-good position.  As soon as this photo is snapped he promptly picks one of those pretty pink petunias in the background.

Here is Kevin with the kids on Father's Day.  Of course, I force them outside for a photo.  The sun was in their eyes and Connor refused eye contact, but I still adore this picture.  Faith's little lips kissing her Daddy, Connor's mischevious little eyes...love it.

I'm sure that those with a trained eye, can find a million faults with these pictures, but I'm having fun and learning as I go.  So far, Kev and the kids have been cooperative, and I will continue "sticking that camera" in their faces until they can't take anymore...and then I'll just hide in the bushes and start taking candids.

There's a Camera in My Kitchen

I love to cook and I love to take pictures. So, after countless moments spent meandering through The Pioneer Woman's website and paging through her cookbook, I became inspired...and I promise you that after a few minutes on her site and in her cookbook, you'll be hooked too. What's not to love? Her photos are gorgeous, her voice is honest and funny, and her recipes are delicious. So, after reading up on aperture and her ten tips for food photography, I decided to make fajitas and take a few pictures along the way.


This recipe is something I adapted from the Food Network...shocking, I know. The recipe was for a grilled flank steak, and I amped it up a bit to make my fajitas, a dish which my friend Jen has just dubbed my signature summer dish. Thanks, Jen...so glad to finally have a signature dish.

So, here we go.

The Cast of Characters

The Peppers: green, red, jalapeño, serrano
Garlic
The Citrus: oranges, limes
Vidalia onions
Balsamic vinegar
S & P
Chicken Breast & Skirt Steak
(not pictured, because no one really wants to look at a pile of raw meat next to those beautiful veggies)

The key to this recipe is citrus...lots and lots of citrus. Zest two limes and one orange before you juice them. 

Now the marinade...The acid from the limes (and a bit more from the balsamic) is essential to breaking down the tough skirt steak. The oranges add a wonderful sweetness to the marinade.  Pour the sweet and tangy juice mixture in with the zest.

Oooh, look, an action shot.  Here, I am using cheap balsamic vinegar.  Since the marinade will just be discarded there’s no need to break out the “good stuff.”  Again, the vinegar will help to break down the steak and make it more tender.

Next, I chop the garlic and jalapenos.    I sliced the peppers and kept the seeds and ribs intact, and no, that doesn’t make it too hot.  The finer you chop these items, the stronger they will be in your marinade.  Since the kids are eating this with us, I kept the peppers bigger to control the heat.

And here it is…the beautiful, citrusy, acidic, garlicy, mildly spicy marinade.  There’s also plenty of salt and pepper in here, too.  Yum.  I bet this would reduce into a lovely glaze…oh, wait, that comes later.

Here is the aforementioned chicken and steak.  How lovely is that bag of meat?  See how artistic this shot is?  Do you see the heart formed by the blue and pink Ziploc seal?  Beautiful.

And here, the marinade unites with the meat in citrusy harmony.  See the tough tissue on the steak that the acid needs to break down?

Place the bag o’ meat into a bowl and marinate in the refrigerator for at least 6 hours.  The longer the steak is in the marinade the more the meat will break down…allowing you to enjoy tender melty steak instead of chewy jaw-exercising steak.

While the meat marinates chop these beautiful peppers and this sweet onion into strips.

I like to cut the veggies in advance and place in the fridge so I can avoid handling knives while grilling meat.  Also, the veggies sauté for about the same time as the meat needs to be on the grill, so it just works out.

Six hours later…here is the meat with beautiful grill marks.  I like to drizzle a bit of the marinade on the meat as it cooks.  What about contamination, you ask?  Well, the meat stays on long enough for the marinade to heat up and caramelize, so I consider it safe. 

Here are the veggies happily warming up with a bit of olive oil on the grill.

And, now we are back inside to cut the chicken and steak.  Remember all that talk about the acid breaking down the steak, making it tender and delicious.  Well, that ONLY works if you cut against the grain.  And, well, I was busy taking pictures, being mocked by Kevin for taking said pictures, telling Faith and my neighbor to stop screaming, and getting Connor another cup of milk…so, I ruined the steak by cutting it with the grain.  Sadly, there’s no fixing that.  So, for today, we’ll overlook that minor [MAJOR] detail.  Prepare to exercise your jaw.

After the meat is sliced, add it to the sautéed veggies to bring the flavors together.  At this point I crank the heat and then deglaze with the juice of one lime, half an orange, a splash of balsamic, which helps to create a sweet tangy glaze over the veggies and meat. [It’s early evening, and I’ve lost the afternoon light through the windows…so sad]

Here is the finished platter of fajitas.  We like flour tortillas warmed over the fire on the stove…but I’m sure corn is equally delicious.

And, here is the prepared meal., served with a smile by my favorite sous chef.  Chicken and steak fajitas topped with sour cream, green onions,  Jen’s homemade Tequila Salsa and her fresh guacamole…lime wedges on the side, served with a homemade shandy. 

It’s a wonderful meal to celebrate the arrival of summer, and that’s just what we did.

Lasagna and Loved Ones

My family memories are almost always tied to the kitchen in one way or another.  The kitchen is a place of warmth and joy, smiles and laughter.  It is a place where everyone is welcome, no matter their level of skill or mess-making abilities.  My sister's refusal to touch raw meat does not keep her from our kitchens, and my children are always invited to help despite their knack for knocking over carefully measured ingredients.

I have always loved to cook, and if you know anything about my family, you know it's an inherited skill.  My father would spend entire weekends in the kitchen whipping up gourmet feasts, treating us to wonderful meals and leaving the dishes to mom.  Unfortunately, I have also inherited my dad's messy ways and haven't been able to adopt my mom's clean-as-you-go philosophy, so I am always on dish duty.  Despite the way I tease my mom about her lack of culinary talent, from her I have learned the importance of a thoughtfully frosted birthday cake and the beauty of an almond crescent cookie. 

Today I am making lasagana to celebrate the arrival of our new kitchen table.  Kevin and I have been married for almost 8 years, and we have been using an old table that my mom bought at a garage sale when we still lived in Posen...so we can't even put an accurate date on it.  That table has certainly served its purpose and many memories have been made around it, but I'm super-excited for the new moments we will share around this one.  And, tonight we'll start with lasagna...

A good pan of lasagna requires time and attention.  It can't be whipped together like a weeknight meal, and lucky for me, this week is spring break.  In my family, especially the one I married into, lasagna is for special occasions and special people.  It's a Sunday night meal or an entree that is just as important as the turkey on Thanksgiving.  Without a doubt it's my mother-in-law's specialty; hers is simple and authentic, always served with her homemade sauce and a bit of sometimes-charred bread.  My step-dad's lasagna, delicious as well, is unconventional in its lack of ricotta, but still is reserved for special occasions.   Preparing food for people I love always brings me joy, and it carries me away, lost in memories of yesterday and hopes for tomorrow, but lasagna, unlike any other meal brings comfort.

Today my lasagna will be loaded with a spicy meat sauce, layered with love and served with cheap white wine.  It makes me happy, and so does my new table...so tonight, we celebrate.

The Wisdom of Dr. Seuss

I've been in quite a Seussical mood lately. I'm teaching poetry and referencing the rhythm and rhyme of Seuss, and just this past Saturday there was a Dr. Suess read along at Target...a very pleasant surprise.  Faith LOVED it, and Connor enjoyed the snacks.  Dr. Seuss conjures happy childhood memories of reading and laughter...Hop on Pop and The Cat and the Hat will always be magical for me, and I hope my children can find that same magic soon.

This past November I shared some of the wisdom of Dr. Seuss with Bremen's National Honor Society members when I was asked to be their guest speaker...and here it is:

November 3, 2010

Hello and good evening. I would like to thank the administration, school board members, teachers and parents that are celebrating here with us tonight. I must admit that I am rather shocked and humbled to be standing here as the "guest speaker" tonight. Typically, I spend the days leading up to the induction in a frenzy working quickly to cross items off my to-do list...programs, flowers, candles, punch bowls...It's my job to make sure they're all here, and I'm pretty sure they are. However, this year I had an additional item on my list – WRITE INDUCTION SPEECH. It sat at the top of my list glaring at me, mocking me, taunting me. It's not as though I have never written a speech before; in fact, as a teacher I give speeches every day. However, the difference tonight is my audience. Tonight, I have been given the privilege to speak to the best students Bremen High School has to offer, and I get to thank their parents for sharing their amazing children with us.

I can clearly remember the night I was inducted into the Indian Star Chapter. I sat where you sit right now, surrounded by my friends, excited about a new honor I was about to receive. My family was proud of me, and I was excited. The guest speaker was Mr. Lombaer, the honors psychology teacher, and he read a book to us...a children's book...Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss. The book begins like this...

Congratulations!

Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.


You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

Who knew there was such power in the words of Dr. Seuss?

You are all certainly off to great places and many decisions do lie ahead of you, but you are here now because you have chosen to embrace your roles as leaders in this school and your community. You are here because you understand the importance of your education, and you are here because you are eager to serve those who need you. Being a leader is not easy, being a good student is not easy, being a willing servant is not easy, and yet those are roles you have chosen for yourself. So, tonight, be proud of the choices you've made to get this far, but be ready for the challenges that lie ahead.

Dr. Seuss warns us of tough times to come…

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

And these bang-ups and hang-ups are where your character will be tested. These tests of character will come in many forms: tough moments in friendships, difficulties in classes, trouble managing the millions of activities you are involved in, or emotional family times. Everyone will come up against some difficult days, but your response in those situations is what sets you apart from the others. Character is not easily measured, but it is easily understood, and tonight, we recognize you for the stunning character you display.

The wisdom of Seuss continues to say...

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

So, after tonight, once the pride and shiny newness of your membership has worn off, how willing will you be to go into a dark place and become a visible light? Will you simply continue doing what you've been doing? Or will you take bold steps to be a better leader, student and servant?

I believe that what choose you do with your leadership position matters the most, and that is a concept that has stuck with me since I was in your shoes. When you leave today, you will have a new membership pin, and a membership card signed by Dr. Kibelkis and me, but more importantly, you will be officially recognized as a leader in this school and community. You will be called upon to help others and to lead those who follow in your footsteps. Our expectations for you are high, and we expect your leadership to shine brighter tomorrow than it ever has. Now, more than ever, we live in a world where positive servant leadership is vital to personal success and the success of others. Be confident in your choices and enthusiastic in your service, so others can follow your shining example.

Finally, a bit more from Dr. Seuss...

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!


Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!